We are not defined by others and their opinions

Stop sabotaging yourself with negative thoughts, limiting beliefs and ‘victim’-like self-pity. 

It only brings us lower, makes us more angry and frustrated. Detach from those who serve you no more good, encourage healthier relationships with those whom are there for you and stand by you. Keep your ‘circle’ small but make sure they are decent and there for your highest good in times of need. 

Do not forget to be kind to yourself. Treasure your identity without the comparison to others and their validation. Who are they? Do you really know? What you see is only the façade. What goes on behind closed doors – in most people – we do not see.

Do not sabotage yourself with negative thoughts. Learn to talk to your brain positively and turn every negative into a positive. 

Do not keep banging on closed doors! That is another thing. You keep expecting something from someone who is clearly on another orbit of soul. They cannot do anymore – they have not got it within themselves. So, let go. Do not view it was rejection or abandonment. It is merely their inability to do more. 

They say, ‘do not expect a dog to play the piano’. This is true in all aspects of our life where we feel people let us down. They just cannot and will not be on the same orbit as us in this lifetime. Why then get angry, frustrated and feel let down and make ourselves feel weak when others do not respond to us appropriately? They have not got it within themselves. We are then hurting ourselves with expectations that cannot ever be fulfilled. We need to understand that we are not defined by those around us that give us or not their validation or acceptance, or approval.

We need to first find our self-esteem in order to have a healthier relationship with ourselves and then with the world around us. We need to love ourselves indifferent of others’ love or lack of love for us. We need to stop ‘bending over’ to others’ whimsical likes or dislikes of us. We need to stop sabotaging ourselves if someone does not want us, agree with us, love us, need us…

We are not here to please the world whom we will ultimately never be able to please. Even those closest to us have their own ‘gremlins’ – we cannot be there on standby to please them or seek their validation. This would only lower our self-esteem and hurt us even more.

Why sabotage ourselves with negative thoughts and make ourselves ill? We must think of ourselves as “islands”- floating islands on the sea of Life. Our island 🏝 is all that we need and want. It is equipped with all that we need to make ourselves happy. Why then look at other floating islands and compare ourselves?

What we see is only a ‘mirage’, a perspective of the reality that hides many a time the truth behind sealed walls. And when we compare with others’ floating islands that we can never truly see behind those fortress walls, we end up in a vortex of self-doubt and feeling low about ourselves. We lower our self-esteem.

Learn to be happy on your own island and make the best out of what you are given. Yes, improve it, look after it, ’embellish’ it in many ways as it is yours to keep and work on it, but do not sabotage it by comparing it to others’ islands.

Learn to see the beauty on your island and make the most of it. We are ‘work in progress’ till the day we die. Growth is allowed and can never be stopped by anyone or anything. We are what we make ourselves to be. Not what others make us or, if we allow them, break us.

When we allow someone to be responsible for our ‘victim’ mode, we are not in control of our feelings and happiness anymore. They are.  And unless they change their view of us or how they treat us, they will forever be in control of how we feel about ourselves.

But, just as much as we have allowed them, we can then disallow them.  And then we can be free and independent of them and their opinion of us. We can stop the hurting link.

But when we blame the others and we feel like the ‘victim’, we become incapacitated by our own bondage to that person whom we blame. They become the one that holds our happiness and contentment in their hands. We are waiting for them to change their opinion of us, which may never happen. They may never be able to. Hence, we end up forever feeling sorry for ourselves and unable to surpass our unhappiness. When we no longer accept to be the ‘victim’ of others, we are then free to choose our own new paths and build afresh and be independent of anyone and their opinion of us.

We just need ourselves and need to take full responsibility of where we are in our lives. We can then make new choices and build new paths. 

Who we are can only be determined by who we really want to be. No one can do anything on our island unless we permit them entry.

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